Clueless

If there's one area in life where I am absolutely CLUELESS, it's men.

Houdini keeps popping up here and there texting random things.. and now he wants me to go to his band's show in a few weeks?? Fuck I'm just over thinking about him.. I want him out of my head.. I don't even like him that much, so why he's occupying my head is beyondddd me!!!

It's Friday (thank god) and I'm hoping this weekend will be a fun one.. I'd love to grab a couple patio beers and relax in the sunshine for some of it... we'll see how our station is on- site and go from there..

well it's back to work for this girl.. hope you all have an awesome weekend :)

Busy bee

Things are starting to get a little better... My brother's on the job hunt, and my sis is safe and sound with nana and papa..

My mom is a whole different story.. but that's nothing new.

I'm itching to start a new adventure... find a new job, in a new city or province and start new...

Let's see what I can come up with :)

Tired...

Everyone has days where they feel like the weight of the world is on thier shoulders... today is that day for me.


My little brother lost his job.. him and 5 other people were let go from the shop he works at because they just aren't making enough money... This news comes to him after he got kicked out of my mom's place... My mom and I are the only family he has.. so now I'm the only family he has.. I just sent him some money and helped him get set up in his own place and now he's lost his job... I had to send him every last penny I have today so that he can keep his car on the road so that he can find a new job... I have no problem with this.. he is my brother.. I'd give him the world if I had it.. It's just stressful because now I have to make it through another week broke..

My mom called today... she's having a mental break down... wants to leave her bf.. wants to move... but she has no friends, she has no family, and I'm her only form of support... with me on the job hunt I can't tell her to come out here cause I don't know how much longer I'll even be here... I wish so badly I could just be there for her..

My sister facebooked me this morning from the public library... her and my PSYCHOTIC ex step mom (her mother) got in a huge fight this morning.. Not at all surprising as this happens all the time.. the difference this time is I'm not there to go pick her up and bail her out.. so I had to call my grandparents and get them to go to Toronto to get her.. they're on route and while they are I'm keeping her on facebook trying to make her feel better...

Work is so stressful... we're gearing up for ratings and it's just insane...

I'm exhausted and I don't know how to keep swimming right now..

As selfish as it sounds I just wish for once my family could take care of themselves.. I can't keep being everyone's support and rock.. it's killing me.

I'm tired.

Summer time...

And the livin's easy :)

Houdini (the guy I was talking about in my last post) showed up at my door last Friday.. Apologized for being such a flake, said he's super sorry for pushing me aside, gave me a big bouquet of lillies and played me a song he wrote for me on his guitar... so sweet and so cute.. as we got talking though, he said it's normal for him to have super busy weeks where he works day and night, and it's not unusual for him to not text or call for a couple/few days at a time... I told him the apology was super sweet and thoughtful but if that's how he is, this wasn't going to work... We hung out for a while and chatted a bit.. he asked if he could stay the night even though he had to work the next morning and I just told him I thought it was best that he leave.. I made sure to express that I still care for him, but I wanted time to think and make sure I wasn't just wrapped up in how sweet he was being at the moment... His phone is busted (literally in 3 pieces he showed me when he came over haha) so I wrote my number down for him and told him I'd love to see him again and to get in touch when he could....

Well... that was Friday... today is Thursday... I haven't heard a single peep... No facebook messages no calls, nothing.. so I made the right decision.. the longer I go without talking to him the less I care.. so I hope he doesn't pull anything this weekend and try to show up and hang out again.. I'm over it.. When you want to make it work you make it work... he has not put in enough effort for me to be concerned.


Work's starting to get really slammed again... ratings are coming soon so that means HUGE promotions and HUGE contests... work work work .. haha .. but it also means that work will be fun and the next couple months will fly.. while the next two days stay a little lighter I'm going to enjoy it...

I must go.. Lunch break is overrrr... talk soon! xo

really?... REALLY???

I get a little pissy or grumpy here and there.... but it takes a LOT to make me angry.

I'm currently right pissed off.

I've been seeing a guy for almost 2 weeks now and all of the sudden I haven't heard from him in over 24 hrs... I'm not saying he needs to spend every waking moment with me or talking to me but a simple hello or how are you would be nice... I ended up in emerge on Sunday, stupid kidney was acting up again... he knew this.. that's the last time I spoke with him... haven't even gotten so much as a "how are you holding up?" since then... I'm really unimpressed... I'm really hurt... and in turn I'm now angry.

Guys, a word of advice... stop being pieces of shit!

Thanks :)

Done.

For the first time in my entire 22 years of living.. I just don't GIVE A FUCK anymore. :)

Confessions of Channie Marrie.

I'm stubborn.

I'm honest to a fault.

I never break promises.

I'm loud.

I'm outspoken.

I have an opinion about almost everything.

Once I love you, I will forever, even if/when you hurt me. No matter how bad.

I can be rude.

I miss my mom every day of my life.

I smile all the time.

My face is very expressive. You can always tell my true feelings.

I'm sarcastic 99% of the time.

I have a smart ass answer for almost everything.

Despite how strong I seem, I am actually very weak.

I have 0 self esteem.

If I was brave enough, I'd get plastic surgery.

I'm terrible at being patient.

I ignore the phone when my great aunt calls all the time.

I am a bit of a music snob.

I am in love with my guitar.

I love it when I make people laugh.

I don't talk about him, but I wish things were different.

I also wish I didn't fall so hard, so fast, over nothing.

I am lazy.

although my house is always clean, my room is almost always a mess.

I hate laundry.

I'm terrible with goodbyes.

I'm great at convincing others I'm ok.

Without my nana I would probably commit suicide.

If it wasn't for him I'd probably still  be a virgin. I'm 22.

I like my dirty mind.

A lot of mistakes I've made, I don't regret.

I wish my dad knew how amazing he truly is.

Although I have it together, I constantly wonder if I'm where I want to be.

I'm forever broken.

I'm the furthest thing from normal.

I'm not innocent.

I'm no longer naive.

I don't know what the word quit means, because I never have/will.

I have tremendous will power.

I care when people don't like me.

I hate being angry or around anyone who is.

I hate conflict.

I have been used by many.

My best friends have hurt me more than anyone.

I love my best friends more than anything.

I worry constantly about everything.

I am afraid of commitment.

I am afraid to love again.

I am afraid I won't ever find love again.

I am afraid of heights.

I am deathly afraid of spiders.

I am afraid I may end up with a drinking problem.

I am afraid if I have children they will be broken just like me.

I have never felt good enough.

I have never felt pretty enough.

I have never felt ready.

I have never been able to believe what I have managed to accomplish.

I don't know everything.

I know I am damn good at things I set my mind to.

I get jealous.

I have lied, and will again, but try my very best not to.

I take pride in being a good friend.

I am always here for those that need me.

I make no excuses for myself.

I am me.

I am Channie Marrie.