these last couple weeks.

Have been wierd!

I'm feelin pretty good, definately not sick anymore which is nice.. stupid Tonsils kept acting up for a while there!! I have an appointment to see a doctor that will hopefully take them out soooooon!

I was supposed to go meet up with Jake to talk today finally face to face for the first time since the break up. But his game got cancelled last night and moved to tonight so it's now a no go.. Can't say I'm overly surprised... I'm kind of bummed but I'm also relieved.. I was scared to see him. Scared it would just bring everything back up again.

These last couple weeks have just been kind of odd with my feelings about him... for the most part I try not to think about him, but for some reason I think of him everyday. I miss him. I'm not sure why I do, but I do. Takes time to get over someone but I feel like I'm not getting over or past him I'm stuck feeling the way I have the entire time. It blows! That's why I was looking forward to talking to him, seeing him and being able to actually talk in a civil manner will help things change. I don't know if it will be in a good way or a bad way but I just can't keep sitting around feeling like I do right now.

Tonight one of my girl's up here is having a pool party to celebrate her 21st birthday :) I'm excited! It should be good times... and a couple weeks ago I met a guy named Shawn, he's super cool and he plays guitar :) he's supposed to come out and it'll be good to see him along with everyone else and just party.

Aside from the break up summer 09 has actually been one of my best summers yet... I've had tones of beach days, weddings, parties, new people, new great friends... I need to start appreciating that stuff more!!

I'm outta here time to shower and tidy this apartment!!!

x o x

hmm

The cool thing about life is that when something tragic happens you become someone new without even knowing it...

Part of the reason it's so hard to get over it is because it takes a lot of work to find out who that new person is...



Cheers to finding who I am now... I'll be a better person because of it.

not myself.

I have been so fucked up lately...

Ended up in the hospital from a kidney infection.. doctors are starting to think the surgery didn't work :(... I have tonsilitis right now so I can't really talk and I feel sooo sick...

I'm stupid ad decided to go out on Saturday night with some friends cause I thought it would be fun.. ended up running into a guy that I used to go to high school with.. he kissed me and we made out for a bit but it felt wierd so I ditched him and went back to my friends... I was dancin with my friend Melissa and we were havin fun.. once and a while we'd dance with a cute boy and then back to eachother.. I had a great night.. the guy I kissed wanted me to go home with him but I don't want to be with anyone else right now so I just went home...

Then the next day I get a text from Jake saying "heard you were whoring it up at the bar in kdub last night, that's gross Chantelle"
Turns out apparently someone he knew was there cause they told him I was all over tonnes of guys and whatever.. I got drunk and I was dancing with guys but I was most definately not whoring it up...
Either way yesterday he told me he's completely done with me... doesn't want to talk just wants me to come get my shit and be done with it.. so I guess it's time for me to let go...

I'm just so miserable lately... I get drunk alllll the time. I'm always emotional... I feel like shit...

I just don't know what to do with myself now that he is gone.

I don't know how I'm supposed to let this go. ugh