Why is it that EVERY time I'm trying to do something right... it turns out wrong..
Why is it that when I'm doing what I think is best.... it affects some one else too...
Why when I'm trying to explain myself do people take it the wrong way!?
UGH! I'm so frustrated right now! My bf and I are arguing about dumb things... when I try to explain myself he always takes it the wrong way... it sucks... am I doing something wrong? Is he just misinterpreting what I'm trying to say? ... I love him so much. I've never loved some one the way I love him, but we bicker about the dumbest things... I don't know how to make it stop. We're happy and it's not all the time, but when it does happen we both end up really upset and hurt... I can't help but feel like it's my fault.... it probably is... just one more thing for me to try to figure out..
I'm trying to find a new place right now with a close friend of mine Michelle. Problem is, she wants to go downtown... I don't think it's gonna work out.. I love her to death and think it would be a blast to live with her, but it's just wayyyy too expensive and they expect first and last months rent when you move in of course... so I'm totally bummed...
My life is upside down right now... it feels like it has been forever... my friends come to me for advice and I always answer with "don't worry it will get better keep your head up"... I'm starting to wonder if it ever actually does get better... and how long I have to force my head up... my necks getting really sore...
I know everything will fall into place but I'm sick of waiting for it too and I'm finding it hard to believe that it will get better or easier... I guess I'll find out soon enough...
I'm outta here... time to do something productive.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Friday, February 8, 2008
FRUSTRATED!
So school is driving me CRAZY! There's this girl in my class that I was friends with at one point and well I guess still kind of am, but she's so ditzy and blames the world for her problems i.e. being late EVERY day for class, not studying for tests that are worth 20% of our marks... she just thinks the world should do everything for her and it's making me INSANE! I just want to slap her sometimes!! she's soooo judgemental! always has bad things to say about everyone... I can't handle it!
There's so much stuff due right now! UGH... and I'm doing like 16 hour days ... like it's honestly a waste to even be paying rent! It's just super stressful and the people in the course aren't helping lol... I really just want it all to be done with ... soon I guess....
Jake and I have been bickering a lot lately... it's just so hard when I'm at school all the time (even weekends) we never have time to spend with eachother and when we finally do I'm totally exausted so he's frustrated cause it's almost like he doesn't have a gf anymore I'm sure... I feel bad but school is my priority right now.. so it cause stupid bullshit arguing CONSTANTLY! He's moving here in July though so that should make things a lot easier for next year thankfully. we'll see how it all goes...
Life in general is such a mess... it's wearing me out... I can do it though! I just have to stick to it... after all I have been through a lot worse in life!
There's so much stuff due right now! UGH... and I'm doing like 16 hour days ... like it's honestly a waste to even be paying rent! It's just super stressful and the people in the course aren't helping lol... I really just want it all to be done with ... soon I guess....
Jake and I have been bickering a lot lately... it's just so hard when I'm at school all the time (even weekends) we never have time to spend with eachother and when we finally do I'm totally exausted so he's frustrated cause it's almost like he doesn't have a gf anymore I'm sure... I feel bad but school is my priority right now.. so it cause stupid bullshit arguing CONSTANTLY! He's moving here in July though so that should make things a lot easier for next year thankfully. we'll see how it all goes...
Life in general is such a mess... it's wearing me out... I can do it though! I just have to stick to it... after all I have been through a lot worse in life!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Hmm...
It's been a while... I have tonnes going on with me right now... but I guess I always do lol.
Jake's moving to London. I'm so excited!!! : )... it's gonna make things so much easier for us. I hate him being 3 hours away! It's WAY too hard.. I was considering moving there, but being the amazing person he is, he decided to give up Toronto for a year and come be with me : )... I love him with all my heart, the summer and next year are gonna be AMAZING!
School's going, slowly but surely... it's been sooo nuts lately. I have so many projects due next week and test start then too... it's good I guess, keeps me out trouble (kinda haha). I've been doing 13 hour days at school, it seems so dumb that I'm paying rent when I'm like never here lol.. but it's still a good place to be when I just want to get away from it all. I was SO close to dropping out last week but I realised that life isn't easy you just have to get over it. So I'm there till the end.
Jazz and Karl broke up a couple weeks back so I went out to Barrie and got totally wrecked with her it was pretty awesome! haha... had a great time.... they're back together now, I don't really know how I feel about him... she says he's awesome and she cares about him so much. When I met him though I didn't like him... he was rude and hurtful and disrespectful... and seemed really controlling... but I only met him once so it's not for me to judge. He broke up with her cause he said he couldn't "stop thinking about" her and that he needed to "focus more on school" so apparently the answer was to break up with her and then a week later said he wanted to get back together with her... my take on that is he wanted to fuck another girl so he did that and then got back together with her... all I know is I don't feel that he deserves my best friend and I really hope he doesn't hurt her anymore.
Life's been so wierd lately... everything is so up in the air and last minute craziness... I feel like I have no control of anything anymore. It's kinda scary. I feel like everything's a mess... but at the same time I feel like it's a beautiful mess... when you're a teenager I find that part of the beauty to life is not knowing what's next... never being able to just make things do what you want them to. Everytime something has worked out differently then I wanted it to, something incredible and beautiful has always come of it... maybe part of growing up is realising that it's ok to have chaos sometimes. I've realised that I can't sweat the small stuff and that sometimes it's ok to be down. Life will always let you pick yourself up if you stay strong... no matter how low you get you can always get back up agian. This year I think is going to be a lot of lessons learned for me... hopefully I can keep up : )
Jake's moving to London. I'm so excited!!! : )... it's gonna make things so much easier for us. I hate him being 3 hours away! It's WAY too hard.. I was considering moving there, but being the amazing person he is, he decided to give up Toronto for a year and come be with me : )... I love him with all my heart, the summer and next year are gonna be AMAZING!
School's going, slowly but surely... it's been sooo nuts lately. I have so many projects due next week and test start then too... it's good I guess, keeps me out trouble (kinda haha). I've been doing 13 hour days at school, it seems so dumb that I'm paying rent when I'm like never here lol.. but it's still a good place to be when I just want to get away from it all. I was SO close to dropping out last week but I realised that life isn't easy you just have to get over it. So I'm there till the end.
Jazz and Karl broke up a couple weeks back so I went out to Barrie and got totally wrecked with her it was pretty awesome! haha... had a great time.... they're back together now, I don't really know how I feel about him... she says he's awesome and she cares about him so much. When I met him though I didn't like him... he was rude and hurtful and disrespectful... and seemed really controlling... but I only met him once so it's not for me to judge. He broke up with her cause he said he couldn't "stop thinking about" her and that he needed to "focus more on school" so apparently the answer was to break up with her and then a week later said he wanted to get back together with her... my take on that is he wanted to fuck another girl so he did that and then got back together with her... all I know is I don't feel that he deserves my best friend and I really hope he doesn't hurt her anymore.
Life's been so wierd lately... everything is so up in the air and last minute craziness... I feel like I have no control of anything anymore. It's kinda scary. I feel like everything's a mess... but at the same time I feel like it's a beautiful mess... when you're a teenager I find that part of the beauty to life is not knowing what's next... never being able to just make things do what you want them to. Everytime something has worked out differently then I wanted it to, something incredible and beautiful has always come of it... maybe part of growing up is realising that it's ok to have chaos sometimes. I've realised that I can't sweat the small stuff and that sometimes it's ok to be down. Life will always let you pick yourself up if you stay strong... no matter how low you get you can always get back up agian. This year I think is going to be a lot of lessons learned for me... hopefully I can keep up : )
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