not myself.

I have been so fucked up lately...

Ended up in the hospital from a kidney infection.. doctors are starting to think the surgery didn't work :(... I have tonsilitis right now so I can't really talk and I feel sooo sick...

I'm stupid ad decided to go out on Saturday night with some friends cause I thought it would be fun.. ended up running into a guy that I used to go to high school with.. he kissed me and we made out for a bit but it felt wierd so I ditched him and went back to my friends... I was dancin with my friend Melissa and we were havin fun.. once and a while we'd dance with a cute boy and then back to eachother.. I had a great night.. the guy I kissed wanted me to go home with him but I don't want to be with anyone else right now so I just went home...

Then the next day I get a text from Jake saying "heard you were whoring it up at the bar in kdub last night, that's gross Chantelle"
Turns out apparently someone he knew was there cause they told him I was all over tonnes of guys and whatever.. I got drunk and I was dancing with guys but I was most definately not whoring it up...
Either way yesterday he told me he's completely done with me... doesn't want to talk just wants me to come get my shit and be done with it.. so I guess it's time for me to let go...

I'm just so miserable lately... I get drunk alllll the time. I'm always emotional... I feel like shit...

I just don't know what to do with myself now that he is gone.

I don't know how I'm supposed to let this go. ugh