Why do I ALWAYS do this?

It's the same thing Every. Single. Time.

I don't meet guys I truely care for very often... in my entire life I've met 3 of them... I meet them... I know within a few days that I truely care for them and that I would want to be with them if things continued to progress... I dive in 100%... and then I get hurt...

Well J... join the club.. You are number 3.

I talked with him tonight... he's just not ready... he's not over his ex at all yet... I can't be second to someone else... I so appreciate him telling me... I so appreciate him  being open and honest... and I completely understand where he's coming from.. I've been there.. I've been the girl not over the ex yet even though I had feelings for someone.. I get it.. but still I can't help but lay here awake at 1 am and cry... I know that seems ridiculous.. I've only started getting close to him over the last like 2 weeks, but I knew how I felt about him right away... I knew I wanted to be a part of his life and have him be a part of mine.. and I know he felt and still feels the same... it's so hard. I can't be upset with him because his reasons are legit and he's looking out for me but that doesn't make it sting any less.

I just wanted to be with him and to get to know him... now there's no room for that... now I need to go back to square one and figure out how to be his friend and not more... how to stop wishing he was around to make me smile... just... ugh..

I work so hard to stay a gaurded person and put up walls that I need... and I always seem to let them down for the wrong people.

Why do I always do this to myself? Why do I always put myself through this stupid shit?

I remember now why I've been so gaurded, and this time... I won't forget it.