Day 6.

Day 6 of being smoke free. Day 6 of sticking to a work out and diet plan. Day 6 of changes.

Isn't this supposed to be hard?

If it is, I'm doing something wrong, because it's not hard for me.

I'm enjoying it, I'm looking forward to getting my ass kicked at crossfit tonight, and I LOVE not smoking..

I'm a very lucky girl. Once I set my mind to something and decide I want it, I always get there. ALWAYS.

I have ups and downs, but I LOVE my life! :)

Dooms day... well not really haha

Today is Crossfit day.. Quitting smoking day.. and quitting drinking (ish) day... I'm just a big fat quitter! haha.


I'm excited, nervous, and proud of myself already.. If I don't die, I'll update after I go!

Life Changes

Tomorrow is September 1st 2011

I don't know how it came so fast, but it has. It's here.

From September 2009 until June 2010 I was going to the gym more days than I wasn't. I was eating right, I was barely ever smoking, and I was doing things the way that I wanted. I hated the gym don't get me wrong, but I loved the 45 pounds I was able to drop from the changes I had made. It was just a quick 45 mins to an hour 4 or 5 nights a week and it was paying off.. Then in March of 2010 I got a job that required a lot of heavy lifting and a lot of cardio so by June I had stopped going to the gym to save money, and changed my job into my new work out routine.

October 2010 I quit that job to up and move across the country for a desk job, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I'm cursed with emotional eating and because I was so far from home and things were so difficult in the beginning, that's what I began to do. I haven't gained all of that weight back, but I've certainly gained since getting here. I swore to myself that I would never again see 180 or higher on a scale again. I haven't gotten that high again, but I'm getting higher than I want to be.

So why am I rambling on endlessly about this?? Well, back in July I put a big fat red circle around September 1st 2011 on my calendar in my room. I promised my self that day was going to be the end of excuses, and complaints. It was going to be the beginning of getting my shit together and finding a better balance in my life.

Tomorrow, I start Crossfit. Tomorrow, I quit drinking. Tomorrow, I cut back my smoking even further. Tomorrow I change my diet.

Tomorrow I change my life and I will fucking keep it that way.

Life

I've said it before and I'll say it again... and again... Life has a fucked up, yet beautiful way of working it'self out.

I'm finally feeling like I belong at work.. finally feeling like people accept me, and get me, and want me around..

I'm not interested in any guys what-so-ever right now, and I'm ok with that (in retrospect houdini would have been negative for me)..

I'm in the process of finding a new car, I have a new bed, and I feel like I'm getting somewhere..

And last but certainly not least, I'm FINALLY starting to hear back about on-air gigs which is what I really want to do more than anything!

There's still stuff to work through... there's still time for it all to go back to hell... but for right now I'm on a high in life.. and I'm gonna enjoy it!

Ps I'm starting crossfit on Thursday... time to kick my own ass into shape!

Love love love xo

Time away.

I've started writing recolections of my childhood memories.. some painful, some happy, some right, some wrong. Together they make who I am, who I'm not, and who I aspire to be.

I'll be taking a break from here for a while... If something earth shattering happens I will be sure to post.. other than that.. it's time for a new writing venture.

Love you!

My turn to be Houdini.

If I'm being honest with myself... which I usually am.

I'm not interested anymore in being with Houdini... Monday night I went to him, I was there for him, and since I haven't heard a word from him except to let me know he'll get my roomie's DVD that I forgot over there back to me..

The first reason I am no longer interested? I hate people who take but never give.

Second, I don't plan on staying in this city for too much longer, I've been applying for jobs all over and will take whatever opportunity opens up for me.

Third, I don't chase guys, I never have. The chasing is the boy's job! Since he has stopped actively pursuing, the more I think about it the less interested in him I become.


I have fun with him, and I will hang out when it suits me, but I'm not interested in being with him anymore.

I feel a lot better today than I have in a few weeks. Bye bye Houdini :)

I have yet to find this... but I will wait.

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."


— Bob Marley