Sunday, September 13, 2009

The end of what I thought was my life...

I talked to him a few times this week... it was wierd... we reminised.. we laughed... I cried...

I didn't realise it until now, but this whole time there was a part of me hidden away that still thought I had a chance... he made it clear that little part of me is wrong.

"We're too different Chantelle... you're and extravert I'm and introvert... You don't live for soccer like I do... We're not compatible.."

"I'm moving on Chantelle... I love you and I miss you and think of you everyday... I'm in limbo land.. I feel like no matter what I do in this situation I'm going to be unhappy but I have to start having more respect for myself.. I can't take back another girl that has treated me wrong."

" I thought we were meant to be but we never were. you and I were both wrong so I'm letting go"

The most hurtful words that have ever been said to me came from that conversation.

each and everyone stabbed a pain through my heart and made me literally want to be sick.

I feel pathetic for missing him

I feel ridiculous for loving him

and worst of all I feel lost without him.

I know now that it's finally time for me to let go. it's just so hard when you love someone and when you've opened up to them and shared things with them that no one else will ever know or understand. I wish this was easier.

I get my stuff from his place next weekend and that's it. no more talking again.

I can't wait to get to Florida and be away from him and his memory.

This is the end of what I thought was my life.. and the journey to figure out what really is.


Stephie J said...

Hunny you give him way too much credit. Is he forgetting about all the times HE fucked up???

Channie said...

he fucked up yes...but he still didn't do what I did...

it's hard to explain. Part of me wants to work it out and part of me never wants to see him again.. wish I could make sense of it.