Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Am I crazy??

I feel like a skitzo!

One minute I hate Jake for all that he's done.

The next I miss him more then I can stand.

I'm done trying to get him back but I feel like if he made a solid effort and actually tried to win me back I'd probably get back with him. I know it sounds stupid and I wish I could explain it to myself but my heart is so in love with him and sometimes couples come away from stuff like this stronger then they were before.

I mean I've had friends that have actually slept with the other person and had relationships with the other person yet the couple still got through it and ended up great because once what they had was gone they realised it wasn't worth it.

I know Jake and I had bad times. Everyone does. But my god, when times were good... they were incredible. Better then any times I've ever had.

He has been on this rampage since we broke up... has slept with about 5 girls and gets drunk all the time... tells me it's over... but then when I finally stopped tryin to get him back I think he may have realised.

Yesterday he texts me when he read my status that said I was in the hospital (he's the one that's ALWAYS been by my side for everything to do with my kidney) asking if I'm ok, so we start small talk... which turns into reminising.

then I say good night and today he messages me and says " I forgot the good times chantelle and for that I'm sorry. When you hurt me I just focused on all the bad and thought getting drunk and being with random girls would fix everything. god was I wrong"

I said, "I'm sorry that you don't remember Jake because we has some amazing memories. Some of my best memories are with you."

I say "it's nice to be talking to you with out fighting and anamosity"

He says "well I guess when you aren't anything anymore there's less to fight about"

I say "Ya I guess.. ouch though.. the truth hurts"

He says" ya but it is the truth."

Me "Ya but sometimes I forget that and hope that someday we'll be us again. thus why I'm going away"

Him " You think going to Florida will make us again?"

Me " No I think it's goin to help me let go... you keep tellin me it's over yet I still want you back. the only thing I can think of that will give you what you want is to put 3000 miles between us and be where not EVERY single thing reminds me of you... I want you to be happy. even if that's without me. So I'm trying to do what you want me to and let go."

Him "what if that's only what I thought I wanted?"

Me ''What the hell does that mean?"

Him " I've never stopped loving you or missing you. I know I haven't shown it, I just don't know if you're right for me anymore that's the problem."

UGH why does love have to be so confusing?


Stephie J said...

holy crap thats intense.


Dont divorce me:(

Channie said...

I know so intense eh?

When the man you're still in love with says shit like that to you how are you supposed to feel?

I will never divorce you :) no matter what facebook says we'll always be married :) heheheh