Friday, October 9, 2009

so lost.

So I did it... I saw him on Monday.

We went to dinner and then shopping, everything was the way it used to be... we were laughing goofing around reminising we were the way we used to be... it was like nothing had even happened... we started talking and trying to figure out how both of us feel. He loves me and misses me but doesn't know what he wants... I love and miss him and I want him back... not right away.. these things take time but I want this to work out. we sat in his car, both of us crying, talking in circles... finally I was so upset I had to leave... we hugged good bye and literally clung to eachother crying for 2 minutes... It felt so right... I had a huge wave of emotion come over me and now all I can think about is him... I had to leave so I did. when I did he got in his car and peeled out and I left for home... he texted me later saying the hug killed him and that he got this huge rush of emotion and love come over him when we hugged and that he missed it...

The next morning he texts me and says I want to see you again.. so we get together again last night.. we went to the movies and a couple minutes in he put his arm around me... so stupid me cuddled him the entire movie... we leave he takes me home we hug in his car just clinging to eachother for another couple minutes.. then we look at eachother and I wanted to kiss him and could tell he wanted to kiss me so I left... about 20 minutes later he texts me saying "I wanted to kiss you so bad but all I can think about is someone else kissing you... I don't even care about the people since we broke up I just care about that one... him.. " so we talk and decide we'll just hang out here and there from now on and feel things out...

I don't know what's going to happen but I know that I miss him and I hope he can find it in his heart to forgive me while I try to find it in my heart to forgive him.

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