Thursday, May 5, 2011

Too much, too fast, too soon,

I'm not gonna say I came out here to run, that's just not true. It was easier to be here though then it was to be at home.

Nothing harbored sad or negative feelings... everything was new, exciting, full of fun, and opportunity.

Now I feel like I've just made the same mistakes here that I have everywhere and I'm frustrated with myself.

Frustrated because I feel like I can't win.

No matter how hard I try to change I just do the same things over and over... am I really this stupid!?!

I'm happy in pretty much every aspect of my life, except for where I'm at when it comes to dealing with feelings for people.

I need to learn to stay reserved. I need to learn not to let myself get invested. SOMEHOW I need to learn to stay gaurded and cautious. No more jumping in 100%... no more putting my heart into it fully.. no more being young and naiive.

I can do this.

I will do this.

lesson learned.

2 comments:

Stephie J said...

"No matter how hard I try to change I just do the same things over and over... am I really this stupid!?! "

YOURE NOT STUPID!! You're fucking AMAZING. Make a guy WORK extra hard for you.. play hard to get.. you're worth it. We've worked extra hard to get our friendship the way it is now and I wouldnt change a SINGLE THING. Nor would I EVER change a single thing about you.. you're amazing...

It makes me sad to read this: It was easier to be here though then it was to be at home. .... It was hard for you to be at our home??

Channie said...

Thanks stephie... I know I need to start doing that but I act so dumb when I care for someone and I just throw everything into it...

It wasn't hard for me to be at "our" home.. it was hard for me to be anywhere between London and Toronto because everything was painful memories of Jake. I'm over that now, but wasn't when I first left home.