Along with the sunshine...

Things are lookin up!...

Work has been super busy, but so much fun! I'm in sales and on-air, I have tonnes of clients right now which means big money for the station and my first talk show aired this morning and will air agian tonight at 6 30. It's going great and so far I seem to be pretty good at it.

Jake and I are still a little shakey but unlike last time I wrote a blog, I think we'll stay together... things were really falling apart but they seem to be ok now... it's still gonna take a lot of work but I know we can do it if we really set our hearts to it.

Things with everyone at the school are awesome.. there's only 10 of us there from the program and we all function a lot better and get a long a lot better too... it's good, some of the people I really didn't like through out the year have turned out to be really cool. I'm getting along well and they're even funny from time to time lol...

Turns out with Jasmine, everyone is getting pretty pissed at her right now. she's treating all of her life long friends like shit so it's not just me. I'm not happy about this but I am glad I'm not the only one that's having problems with the girl. She has her own issues that I'm sure she'll work out in time, till then I'll keep my distance and talk to her now and then. meh.

today's mother's day... it's wierd there's so much hype around it but it doesn't really matter that much to me. My mom and I aren't close and she's never really been a big part of my life... I called her this morning and wished her a happy mother's day and then asked her if she wanted to get together. her answer was that she's "cool chillin here"... here was with her boy friend... cool! haha... one less thing to spend my money on. : )

I'm not really sure what I'm up to today, probably just relaxing before I have to get back to busy work agian... I should probably attempt to start unpacking from the big move too! haha... well I'm outta here!!

xo

Bummed.

I'm bummed....

My bf's not moving to London anymore.... room mate issues.... This bums me out comepletely. I just want to be close to him and he's staying a million miles away... I love him and I just want him to be by my side.

I was pumped for summer job at the X..... Then I got shafted and got scheduled for the one thing I asked not to be put in.... UGH! I hate FANSHAWE COLLEGE!

I lost my best friend..... She's not her anymore... she doesn't give a shit about anything in her life that includes me too... I called trying to vent the other night and she said she need to get her own life together so she didn't want to hear it

I lost some one that was like a mom.... Joan baby sat me from the time that I was 6 months old until I was about 12 she was the sweetest woman you could imagine, would've given the shirt off her back if some one needed it... she became like a mom to me over the years and passed away two weeks ago of Cancer... it's just finally sinkin in now...

I can't handle things the way I used too... I'm overwhelmed and feel like I can't get away from it... I put a smile on my face and walk around happy so people don't ask questions but I'm hurting, I just want to break down and cry and never pick myself back up.

It's almost over

Well it's almost over.... there's only a week and a half left of school... that's great cause I'm almost done, but shitty cause I only have a week and a half to catch up completely and get this year done... It definately hasn't been easy but I've been doing my best and hopefully that will be enough...

I'm gonna work at the school over the summer... I'm pretty excited about that... we run the school radio station, so I'm workin in radio which is sweet...

I move May 1st... I'm only moving 2 doors down from the house I'm already in so that's awesome haha... it's gonna be the easiest move I've ever had to do haha... I get the whole basement to myself and I'll live with girls now, so I'm pretty excited!....

This weekend is awards night for my school... Jake's coming with me, we get a dinner there and then it's off to the bar for some good drunken times in my dress! woop wooP! Im not eligable for any awards though because I have been so sick..so that sucks! but I understand...

either way I'm gonna get headin to school... BOO! haha... got lots stuff to get done so I'm outta here!!

blah

I am so overwhelmed at school right now! so much is due and I just missed two full weeks of school so I'm totally behind... I was in the hospital agian (stupid kidney) I was worse then I've ever been before... but they're semi figuring it out so hopefully they can have me fixed at some point.... it scares me!... either way I'm totally burried in work... but I'm catching up... I can do it!

being sick totally sucked and spending a shit load of time in the hospital sucked even more! You can't sleep, the food is gross and they're constantly poking you with needles... on top of the fact that you're already sick... oh well I'm just glad it's over and I'm back to school agian... believe it or not I actually missed it..

I miss my best friend!! she lives 4 hours away ever since we went off to different colleges and it sucks! we used to be attached at the hip but now we barely ever see eachother!! I'm hoping to go up to visit her soon and well really school's out in 3 weeks and then she'll be back at home which is like 40 mins from me so that'll be sweet!

My bf's movin to my town!!!!! : ) I'm so pumped to have him close to me versus 3 hours away! we aren't gonna live together obviously because it's just too soon but we will get to see eachother a hell of a lot more so I'm excited!

I've been feelin kinda down today and I'm not really sure why... just an off day I guess.. on top of being shit on all week with assignments... I'm just tired I guess...

well I'm gonna go make me some supper so I'll talk to ya soon!

Why?

Why is it that EVERY time I'm trying to do something right... it turns out wrong..

Why is it that when I'm doing what I think is best.... it affects some one else too...

Why when I'm trying to explain myself do people take it the wrong way!?

UGH! I'm so frustrated right now! My bf and I are arguing about dumb things... when I try to explain myself he always takes it the wrong way... it sucks... am I doing something wrong? Is he just misinterpreting what I'm trying to say? ... I love him so much. I've never loved some one the way I love him, but we bicker about the dumbest things... I don't know how to make it stop. We're happy and it's not all the time, but when it does happen we both end up really upset and hurt... I can't help but feel like it's my fault.... it probably is... just one more thing for me to try to figure out..

I'm trying to find a new place right now with a close friend of mine Michelle. Problem is, she wants to go downtown... I don't think it's gonna work out.. I love her to death and think it would be a blast to live with her, but it's just wayyyy too expensive and they expect first and last months rent when you move in of course... so I'm totally bummed...

My life is upside down right now... it feels like it has been forever... my friends come to me for advice and I always answer with "don't worry it will get better keep your head up"... I'm starting to wonder if it ever actually does get better... and how long I have to force my head up... my necks getting really sore...

I know everything will fall into place but I'm sick of waiting for it too and I'm finding it hard to believe that it will get better or easier... I guess I'll find out soon enough...

I'm outta here... time to do something productive.

FRUSTRATED!

So school is driving me CRAZY! There's this girl in my class that I was friends with at one point and well I guess still kind of am, but she's so ditzy and blames the world for her problems i.e. being late EVERY day for class, not studying for tests that are worth 20% of our marks... she just thinks the world should do everything for her and it's making me INSANE! I just want to slap her sometimes!! she's soooo judgemental! always has bad things to say about everyone... I can't handle it!

There's so much stuff due right now! UGH... and I'm doing like 16 hour days ... like it's honestly a waste to even be paying rent! It's just super stressful and the people in the course aren't helping lol... I really just want it all to be done with ... soon I guess....

Jake and I have been bickering a lot lately... it's just so hard when I'm at school all the time (even weekends) we never have time to spend with eachother and when we finally do I'm totally exausted so he's frustrated cause it's almost like he doesn't have a gf anymore I'm sure... I feel bad but school is my priority right now.. so it cause stupid bullshit arguing CONSTANTLY! He's moving here in July though so that should make things a lot easier for next year thankfully. we'll see how it all goes...

Life in general is such a mess... it's wearing me out... I can do it though! I just have to stick to it... after all I have been through a lot worse in life!

Hmm...

It's been a while... I have tonnes going on with me right now... but I guess I always do lol.

Jake's moving to London. I'm so excited!!! : )... it's gonna make things so much easier for us. I hate him being 3 hours away! It's WAY too hard.. I was considering moving there, but being the amazing person he is, he decided to give up Toronto for a year and come be with me : )... I love him with all my heart, the summer and next year are gonna be AMAZING!

School's going, slowly but surely... it's been sooo nuts lately. I have so many projects due next week and test start then too... it's good I guess, keeps me out trouble (kinda haha). I've been doing 13 hour days at school, it seems so dumb that I'm paying rent when I'm like never here lol.. but it's still a good place to be when I just want to get away from it all. I was SO close to dropping out last week but I realised that life isn't easy you just have to get over it. So I'm there till the end.

Jazz and Karl broke up a couple weeks back so I went out to Barrie and got totally wrecked with her it was pretty awesome! haha... had a great time.... they're back together now, I don't really know how I feel about him... she says he's awesome and she cares about him so much. When I met him though I didn't like him... he was rude and hurtful and disrespectful... and seemed really controlling... but I only met him once so it's not for me to judge. He broke up with her cause he said he couldn't "stop thinking about" her and that he needed to "focus more on school" so apparently the answer was to break up with her and then a week later said he wanted to get back together with her... my take on that is he wanted to fuck another girl so he did that and then got back together with her... all I know is I don't feel that he deserves my best friend and I really hope he doesn't hurt her anymore.

Life's been so wierd lately... everything is so up in the air and last minute craziness... I feel like I have no control of anything anymore. It's kinda scary. I feel like everything's a mess... but at the same time I feel like it's a beautiful mess... when you're a teenager I find that part of the beauty to life is not knowing what's next... never being able to just make things do what you want them to. Everytime something has worked out differently then I wanted it to, something incredible and beautiful has always come of it... maybe part of growing up is realising that it's ok to have chaos sometimes. I've realised that I can't sweat the small stuff and that sometimes it's ok to be down. Life will always let you pick yourself up if you stay strong... no matter how low you get you can always get back up agian. This year I think is going to be a lot of lessons learned for me... hopefully I can keep up : )