I just might throw up...

HOLY!!! I got a call yesterday with a job offer... sent off my resignation letter and away I am about to go...

What the fuck just happened? Pardon??

My last day here is next Friday and then it's off to a new job which will be on-air, and promotions combined to make a full time job :)

My second in the industry since leaving school just over 2 years ago.. holy man how time flies!!

I feel excited, happy, pumped, stressed, and like I just might throw up all at once! haha

I will miss everyone I work with, some more than others, but I'll still miss them none the less. I wish this company great success in the future and hope that I can be a part of their team again one day.

I live for challenges and adventure.. Let's start a new chapter!! :)

Happy :)

Life is good, and now that it is I find it hard to find things to blog about... weird how when you're head's cluttered with negativity it's so much easier to write and release.. my release now is Crossfit.. I had an amazing work out Saturday (Killed myself for 3 hours becuase I was super frustrated with some things) and again yesterday had a great work out at home.. it feels good to have a positive outlet in my life. My muscles kill but it's an awesome reminder that I'm changing and growing.

"Pain is temporary. Quitting is forever."

The more I stick to this the more I see how I'm growing physically, but also emotionally. I'm more rational, I feel more stable, I have a clear conscience and mind. I feel stronger and better all around and it's a great feeling.

Dreamy and I are "dating".. we've agreed we both wanna take it slow, no expectations, just have fun with eachother and let it be what it is.. it almost all ended on Saturday. He told me he could see me as a girlfriend "eventually" but that he wasn't looking that far into the future. I told him that maybe we were just better off as friends then. He called later that night saying that he has feelings for me and he wants me in his life and that he doesn't want to be just friends. I feel the same, and I'm not sure I'm necesarily ready for him to be my "boyfriend" but I like dating him and having him around, and we've agreed that we won't see anyone else while we feel this out. :) What more can I ask for? The thought of commitment scares the shit outta me!! The only commitment I've made here is for him to be the only guy I see for now.. if I change my mind about that or if he changes his mind, we can talk about it then. Much easier than the pressure others put on themselves.

I got a call from a station an hour and a bit away from here, asking me how I would feel about an on-air/promotions combination..I told him if the money's enough for me to survive I would LOVE the opportunity.. now I wait to see what comes of it :) I'll hear from them sometime this week and I'm stoked about it!

Things are going my way, and I'm super thankful for it... I don't have the time for negative shit in my life, either you're on my side or you're not. I don't have the headspace for negativity anymore. When things get negative I drop them, I learned that lesson this weekend with Dreamy. It sucked but I went to crossfit and felt comfortable just letting it be.

New Channie? She's my favourite so far!

Sigh ...

It's been a while since I've had a bad day... I'm not sure that this is necessarily a "bad" one, but it's certainly not as good as I wanted it to be.

My baby bro's in a bit of trouble.. Someone slashed all 4 of his tires and key'd his car really bad! He needs help financially and I'm not sure that I can provide it.. in a way I know it's unrealistic for me to expect to be able to save him right away, but I feel like I've failed him in a way.. I'm going to give him what I can afford to give and the rest he'll have to figure out on his own.. poor kid :(

work is insane... my boss has gone away for a week and a half and the work is just piling up.. so I'm feeling the stress right now.

McDreamy I'm really not sure how I feel about him or what to think about him.. we have a ton of fun together but lately I'm feelin like he's only into this for the physical side of things.. he left this morning for a week with work.. I messaged him this morn before he flew out saying "safe flight!" he messaged back sayin "it's not like I'm flying the plane or anything, I just have to "sit" haha" to which I said "it's still a good omen to wish someone a safe flight! Sheesh! :p"  he responded with (and this is where I get bothered) "another good omen is to show them your underwear ;) I'm about to get on the plane, quick! Send me a good luck pic"
Now I'm not trying to sound like a stuck up bitch here, but is it really too much to ask for a "have a great day" or  a "how was your sleep?" before we jump right into you wanting something sexual from me??
It's his way of flirting, and I'm flattered that I'm on his mind, but it's frustrating to me in some ways. I don't want this to be a totally sexual thing and nothing else. I want him to know me and like me and want to talk to me. Not just want in my pants..

We'll see how things go.. I'm not saying it will or it won't work yet.

Day 14 of not smoking- I don't miss it. I'm happy that I quit, although my work days are tougher sometimes without them.

Day 14 of not getting drunk- this has been the toughest part for me. I usually get drunk when I'm stressed and not has been a new experience for me. I'm excited about it though :)

Day 14 of clean eating- It feels great! Feels really great! My body is less tired, I have more energy, and I feel better in general.

Day 14 of crossfit- I kicked crossfit's ass last night! Finished my work out 4 minutes faster than anyone else in the class, and RAN 1200 meters... I couldn't even run 400 the first class... I've been killing myself and it's paying off :)

I'm off for now! talk soon! xo

Peaceful

My life has always been chaos. Work this, work that, cell ringing from work, cell ringing from stressed out brother, cell ringing from stressed out sister, stressed out mother, stressed out friends, more work, repeat, and that's good day!

Why am I rambling here? I'm not complaining, I love my life, I'm just trying to give a taste of the speed that everything flies by in my life. (Get to your point Chantelle)

Lately, I've had the same chaos as usual, in fact I've had even more with all the changes I've made, McDreamy and I are hanging out often, I'm way busier in the week now than I have been in quite some time, yet some how through it all, there's a calm and peace that has set in me. I feel in control (aside from the boy), I feel less stressed, I'm smiling constantly and things are going well. I wake up stoked for each day instead of not wanting to wake up.

I should have made these changes long ago, they have made a world of difference in the way I live my life.

Proud of myself...

For the first time in over a year now, I'm making the right decisions with my life and I'm sticking to them!

1. Excersize.- I've started crossfit, and even though it kicks my ass I love it and I'm going to keep challenging myself with it!

2. Diet. - I've started "clean" eating.. no more junk! Less sugar, etc.

3. Not smoking.- 8 days smoke free and I KNOW I'll never go back to it again!

4. Not getting wasted all the time.- it's been 4 weeks since the last time I got wasted. That doesn't sound like much to the average person but I used to get wasted at least twice a week.

5. Respecting myself.- I've met a guy who is so totally amazing. We'll call him McDreamy, cause he really is my McDreamy, I'm into him, he's into me, we're into the same sports teams and music, we have the same interests, we're just a really great match and we click soooo well. He has just recently moved out here, I had met him before, but until he started working as a rep that works in some ways with our station (a couple weeks ago) I wasn't sure we'd ever have a future. Now that he's moved here we've started getting much closer and we click soooo well. He had a gf back in the town he moved here from so I was very apprehensive... they'd been together for a couple months and weren't anything serious, but they were still together none the less... They've recently broken up, and I want to just instantly go hang out with him, instantly be dating him, but I know I need to give him time... So last night I told him that I don't want to talk for a little while ..I said that I want him to take space to clear his head and figure things out and when he's ready I want him to come to me...even though he didn't love his girl breaking up still sucks. I'm a 22 year old blonde that loves sports and rock music and is into the same stuff as him.. it's so easy to leave someone who's a province away if you know you have someone else to fall back on you know?

I told him that I didn't want it to be like that. I told him I'm worth more than just a fuck or whatever and that I wanted to do this right ...



he said that I'm right, that I'm worth WAYYYY more than that. That I'm one of the most incredible, inspiring and beautiful people he's ever met. He said he wouldn't be able to bear it if he caused me pain, that he doesn't want me to have to work for this, but that HE wants to work for it. He thanked me for being patient and laying my boundaries and giving him time to sort everything out...

So I'm going to let him come to me.. To be honest, with how I feel at this point I'll wait for as long as he needs to clear his head and get things together.

For the first time in a long time I'm proud of myself, I'm feeling better about myself, I'm happier, and I have FINALLY taken control of things and taken MY life back. Something I haven't been able to do since everything fell apart when Jake left... it took me a long time but everyone's process is different... I'm happy with mine :)

Sorry for the mile long update... just wanted to share. xo

When you want success as bad as you want to breathe-

You'll be successful.

This quote struck me with resonating power this morning.

it comes from a story that goes like this.

One day a young man told an old retired man who had been very successful in his life that he wanted to be as successful as the old man.

The old man said "son, meet me at the beach first thing tomorrow morning and I'll teach you the secret of success"

The young man showed up the next morning at the beach in his best suit.

The old man chuckled and said "you should have worn shorts."

The old man then said "now, follow me." and began to walk into the water.

They walked out a ways and the young man said "I want to learn how to be successful, not ruin one of my best suits"

"You asked to learn the secret of success. Keep walking" the old man replied.

He walked a little further and stopped again "I think I'm going to go back in. This is ridiculous!" the young man said.

"You want success. Keep walking. Just a little further."

The young man did as he was told and once again started doubting as the water was getting up past his belly button.

Finally the old man stopped ahead of him and said "Just a little further"

Once the young man was out where the older man was, the older man grabbed him, pushed him under the water and held him there. Held him there for a long time. He held the young man under until he was almost entirely out of breath.

He finally released the young man who immediately jumped up and began to gasp for air.

The old man said "Now, when you want success as bad as you just wanted to breathe, you will be successful. When you want success more than you want to sleep, you will be successful. When you want success more than you want to party, more than you want a girlfriend, more than you want anything, you WILL be successful."

I have always wanted success more than anything in my life. I have always had a burning desire to be something greater than I am. To be better than the low lifes in my family. To be as successful as my grandparents. This story is how I feel everyday, and I think it's why I've made it as far as I have, and why I've been as strong as I have.

YOU are human, YOU have the resolve to have everything you've ever dreamed, all you HAVE to do, is WANT it, as bad as you want to breathe everyday.

Day 6.

Day 6 of being smoke free. Day 6 of sticking to a work out and diet plan. Day 6 of changes.

Isn't this supposed to be hard?

If it is, I'm doing something wrong, because it's not hard for me.

I'm enjoying it, I'm looking forward to getting my ass kicked at crossfit tonight, and I LOVE not smoking..

I'm a very lucky girl. Once I set my mind to something and decide I want it, I always get there. ALWAYS.

I have ups and downs, but I LOVE my life! :)

Dooms day... well not really haha

Today is Crossfit day.. Quitting smoking day.. and quitting drinking (ish) day... I'm just a big fat quitter! haha.


I'm excited, nervous, and proud of myself already.. If I don't die, I'll update after I go!