FUCK MOTHER FUCKING CALL CENTERS!

UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was on the phone for 3 HOURS today yea 3 with Linksys to try to get my nana's wireless internet working agian and after 3 different people I could barely even understand the problem still isn't even fixed!

FUCK FUCKING CALL CENTERS!!!

FUUUUCKKKKKK!!!

I'll be alright lol

Graduation..

If there's one thing I ever wanted more then anything so far in my life. It was to graduate. I wanted to prove to myself and to those at my school that were against me that I could do it.

Yesterday, after a million mini disasters, spending an hour and a half on my hair, after panicing over how dad wasn't coming and my man wasn't going to find his way there on time... with a bright red gown on and a HUGE smile on my face I walked onto a stage excited and anxious and walked off it a COLLEGE GRADUATE. My god. NOTHING has ever felt so satisfying and fulfilling as recieving that diploma and certificate that says I completed two of the hardest years of my ENTIRE life.

Any negative feelings that I used to have towards people that were there are gone because despite the fact that they wanted me to loose. I won.

For the first time in a LONG time, I'm proud of myself. That means more then I think most can understand for what I've come from.

My mom and dad didn't show (surprise surprise) dad was sick and mom had to work .. but my Nana Papa and Man were there and they are the ones that carried me through all the hard times in that place so I didn't need anyone else to be there.



I'M A FUCKING COLLEGE GRAD!!! FUCK YA!!!!!!! : D

It's been a while!

To be honest I forgot about this blog until a good friend of mine reminded me that it's helpful to get your feelings out...

I had Surgery on May 25th. I'm feeling much better now and I'm up and about which is awesome. I'll find out in a few months if the surgery was a success or not *fingers crossed*

I actually GRADUATED college :) I've never EVER been more proud of anything I've accomplished. I cried more then I ever have, I pushed myself further then I've ever gone, I stayed awake for more hours in a row then I ever have before and I did it. The ceremony is on Tuesday and I couldn't be happier about it. I can't wait to put on that gown and cap and walk across that stage to take my diploma with a smile from the man I hate more then I've ever hated anyone. I've proven to myself for the first time in a long time I can accomplish something if I put my mind to it and my whole heart in it. For a long time I would start things but I wouldn't finish them because if I quit then technically I wasn't failing... about 5 times I was literally a signature away from dropping out of college but I did it and I did it successfully!!!

On top of graduating I got a Job as a traffic reporter :) there was only a few of us that ended up with jobs in our field and I was one of them!!! yay! I moved on May 1st and started the job on May 15th... I love my job soooo much! I work with great people and one of them I used to go to school with and I really get along with him well which is cool cause it gives me someone to hang out with in a new place... I've mostly just gone home during the week and come back for the weekends because of the surgery and what not... next week I'll be back there again for my grad and Jazzy and I are gonna go out I think which should be good times... While I love my job I'm still not quite adjusted to being here yet... it's been a really big change for me. I've moved a million times and I've always adjusted right away but for some reason this time it's different I really still don't feel like I belong yet... I know I'll figure it out. I've been looking for a second part time job and I think once I find one I'll start to feel better...


My man and I are a little weird right now... he's been working back home which is 4 hours away from where my new job is so things have been kinda shaky since I don't see him as much anymore... he was supposed to come to my place this weekend and instead he decided to go camping with his friends so I'm pretty upset about that... but I'm sure we'll work it out.. I just have to give him his space to be with his friends sometimes I guess...

Well I'm gonna go tidy and then hop in the shower and get pretty cause I'm going out with a couple of my co-workers tonight :)

More soon.xo

SURGERY!

Well it's official! I am good to go for surgery! I meet my surgeon on October 10th and from there we set a date for the operation... Half of me is super excited and the other half of me is very apprehensive. It's going to take about 2 weeks to recover which means I miss school and I will still be getting sick afterwards it just won't be as severe each month as it has been so far... so it's great news for sure but of course I'm nervous.

Jake is excited, already wants to book time off work to come take care of me after haha.. he's so cute that way... I love him very much! Things have stayed really good with him lately and that makes me feel really really good...

My friend Steph is going through a really harsh break up right now... I hope she can pull through... Her bf basically cheated on her on a dating website... Piece of shit bf for sure! She deserves some one so much better then him and some one that will treat her right and it drives me NUTS that she forgives him when he's such an asshole! ... I'm here for her of course either way... I know she'll be ok!


Works been busy and I'm makin lots of sales which is good,... everyone comes back in a couple of weeks and I'm so ahead of them now from being here all summer that I feel like it's just gonna be a giant shit show of people that have no idea what they're doing... we'll see though haha...

well I'm outta here... I'm technically supposed to be working right now anyways so I'll talk to you later!

Life... hmm

Well, my specialist appointment was really nothing but disapointment. My body isn't getting better, in fact I was told that I just "have to deal with it"... Great! ... I have a few appointments coming up over the next few months and they'll determine weather I'm elligable for surgery or not. I really hope so because with the operation it will make the infections a little more manageable... *fingers crossed*


Aside from that, I've been lookin back on life lately... the mistakes I've made, the people I've hurt and that have hurt me, the lies I've told and been told, the things I'm so proud I've accomplished and the things I'm not so proud of.... I've had a pretty rock road... things haven't really come easy to me... but I've learned that the thing in life is ... it always moves on... things have a way of working out maybe not the way you hope but it still always works out... I've always tried to have control of my life... always tried to make sure I know what's happening when and why and so on... I've slowly learned... wheather I like it or not it goes on and so do the people around me... maybe it's time to let go and stop worrying so much...

nervous!

So tomorrow I have a specialist appointment with my doc and I'm SUPER nervous!... I'm happy that I'll be seen and that there is a chance that they can figure things out, but it's always nerve racking to go there and have tests done and then have to wait for the results... My fingers are crossed and it should... no, it will be good.

I've been sick over the last few days but I'm feeling much better now, figures since I'm headin to the doctors I'm starting to feel better haha... I started taking my anti biotics on monday and so it's good that they're working! YAY!!! The down side is I haven't been able to work, so unfortunately I'm gonna be BROKE when the next pay check comes in! Boo...

I feel good and I'm trying with everything in me to stay positive. My bf and all my friends have of course been very supportive... I worry sometimes more about how they feel and if they're upset then about how I feel... I love them all very much and hate that I have to put them through this... I really do have great friends though : )

Things with Jake and I have been really steady and consistent lately... I'm really happy about it, the last month or so has been the best we've had in a while... the last time we faught we really layed everything down on the table and were totally open with eachother and it's been a while since we had done that, I feel like as long as we keep communicating and letting eachother know how we feel we'll stay strong and continue to get stronger. He really truely is my best friend and the love of my life. I never want to lose him... it may sound strange but before meeting him, I never believed two people could actually be together for their whole lives happily. Now I feel like he's that person for me... I love him so much!

This past weekend I was an M.C. in Grand Bend for an event called Burgerfest. It was a total blast and totally reassured me in knowing that I'm at school taking the right course for my career! It was nice and sunny and I met new people and of course I got to be up in front of a crowd which I was really pumped up about! I get to M.C. an AARON PRITCHET CONCERT!!! I'm SOOOO excited for that one! If you don't know of him, he's the one that sings the "hold my beer" song... he's a very famous country singer so I'm very very pumped up to do that! Plus it will be in front of a tonne of people... it's in Grand Bend on July 5th! SO EXCITED!!

aside from my getting sick this week things are good... they've been good for a while now and I hope they continue to stay that way, I gotta get to bed though so that I can wake my lazy butt tomorrow and get to the doctors! I'll update soon.

XoX

Life isn't fair.

I don't understand life.... My bf played on a soccer team for a couple of years and last year I was at pretty much every game he had. Jake played with a man named Tim, Tim's wife was always at the sideline's with me cheering everyone on with me while she watch her son and daughter which were 2 and 4. Well yesterday she passed away. she was diagnosed with acute lukemia last week and then died yesterday. No time to even register what was wrong with her let alone get the time she wanted with her son daughter or 7 month old new addition to the family... I don't understand why life is so easily over. Her children and her husband are absolutely devistated along with everyone that was close to her... This one really hits home with me, I didn't know her that well but she was a sweet heart and it makes me really scared about life and how long I or anyone else actually has....

You'll be missed xo.