Well Ontario man has turned RIDICULOUS... In dealing with stuff lately I've let it consume me and until the other day I was really miserable... I needed to snap out of it... after a good cry and a couple hours of guitar I was finally able too and I finally let go!
I messaged Ontario man yesterday cause he got a new job (he was fired from his old one) and I messaged him to congratulate him! I also apologised because for the last 2 weeks or so, I've been an absent friend... I haven't been around I haven't really talked much with him and to be honest, I was so caught up in my own shit that I became a shit friend... not just to him.. but to everyone.. and I'm trying to make that right. He was being weird and giving short one word answers.. so I asked him what's up... he UNLOADS on me about how I haven't "been around" ... I'm not nearly as "chatty" as I used to be.. and how I haven't been a good friend... ummm back up a minute... Didn't I JUST apologise to you for all those things?????? ..... so I said, I know and I'm sorry and that's what I'm apologising for... I said it hasn't just been to you, it's been to everyone... and then, Ladies & Gentleman the true reasons came out... Ontario Man- "You haven't been around, you barely talk to me anymore and you "say" it's to everyone yet you had time to meet a guy, chat him up and go on a date?"...at this point I LOST MY SHIT... A) my roommate introduced us just a couple days before the date, B) I wasn't "chatting him up". I wasn't until after the date that we really started talking and C) Who the fuck are YOU to tell me what I can and can't do. It's obvious to me now that he's jealous, and I understand that, but I've ALWAYS been clear with O/M that I don't want to be with him.
Then I explained to him that since Steve passed I've realized somethings.. one of those things is that I don't want to be alone forever, I want to get back in shape, I've quit smoking, I just want to live a good life because you never know when it's over... and O/M says to me "I would have been that for you" ... I go "What??" ... he goes "I would have been with you if that's what you wanted" ... I explain to him that like I've said from the beginning I don't want to be with him, I enjoy his company but we're 2 very different people.. we have similar personalities but we have different goals and aspirations in life... He sits at home and smokes weed literally everyday, he has the same type of job he's always had, he doesn't go out and he really doesn't do much... I'm career driven, I have so many things I want to do, I don't smoke weed everyday, and I just have a very different lifestyle then he does... I learned a long time ago that when those areas are where you differ a relationship doesn't work....
I feel like a piece of shit for this... I never meant to hurt him... I didn't want to be a brutal friend .. and I've tried to make it right... but it's impossible now because he won't even listen to me.. he's too caught up in how "horrible" I've been... I don't know what to do other then just give him his space and let him get over shit.
Have a happy Sunday my loves! xo