Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I'm pretty sure I'm challenged..

When it comes to Houdini I'm DEFINITELY challenged.

He called me really upset last night... one of his best friends is going to jail... his friend tried to call Houdini on Saturday and Houdini didn't return his call.. so he was really feeling like shit and like a terrible friend.. so I told him to forget about our talk.. The friend situation was obviously wayyyyy more important than whatever was going on with up... He called me really choked up and asked if I would come over... I care about him so of course I went.. I couldn't just let him sit at home and cry when I knew I could go over and have him back to smiles.. so I went over, we talked about his friend, we talked about what's new with each other, and we watched a movie.. I ended up spending the night and of course, being the idiot that I am, we hooked up.

Now this morning I'm right back to square one.. wtf was I thinking? I really don't know.. I've had the worst shit with guys over the past 8 months... just hurt after hurt after hurt... Dating is so hard!

The thing is, usually I write them off when they start to hurt me or show the slightest sign of being unreliable.. I hurt about it for a while, cry a little, and then a couple weeks later I'm back to normal.. For whatever reason, even after not seeing Houdini for THREE weeks, I still can't let go.. something keeps me going back to him... I haven't felt like that since all that shit with Jake and that scares the shit out of me!! The last thing I want is a repeat, I learned my lesson there!! I think mostly I just want answers... I want to know why he's this way... I want to know the truth... and then I'll be able to move on.. Yesterday I thought there was no way in hell I'd ever want to be with Houdini.. then as soon as he called me upset my heart melted and I just wanted to make everything better for him... wtf is wrong with me??

Seriously.. I'm pretty sure I'm challenged.

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