Well it's official! I am good to go for surgery! I meet my surgeon on October 10th and from there we set a date for the operation... Half of me is super excited and the other half of me is very apprehensive. It's going to take about 2 weeks to recover which means I miss school and I will still be getting sick afterwards it just won't be as severe each month as it has been so far... so it's great news for sure but of course I'm nervous.
Jake is excited, already wants to book time off work to come take care of me after haha.. he's so cute that way... I love him very much! Things have stayed really good with him lately and that makes me feel really really good...
My friend Steph is going through a really harsh break up right now... I hope she can pull through... Her bf basically cheated on her on a dating website... Piece of shit bf for sure! She deserves some one so much better then him and some one that will treat her right and it drives me NUTS that she forgives him when he's such an asshole! ... I'm here for her of course either way... I know she'll be ok!
Works been busy and I'm makin lots of sales which is good,... everyone comes back in a couple of weeks and I'm so ahead of them now from being here all summer that I feel like it's just gonna be a giant shit show of people that have no idea what they're doing... we'll see though haha...
well I'm outta here... I'm technically supposed to be working right now anyways so I'll talk to you later!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Life... hmm
Well, my specialist appointment was really nothing but disapointment. My body isn't getting better, in fact I was told that I just "have to deal with it"... Great! ... I have a few appointments coming up over the next few months and they'll determine weather I'm elligable for surgery or not. I really hope so because with the operation it will make the infections a little more manageable... *fingers crossed*
Aside from that, I've been lookin back on life lately... the mistakes I've made, the people I've hurt and that have hurt me, the lies I've told and been told, the things I'm so proud I've accomplished and the things I'm not so proud of.... I've had a pretty rock road... things haven't really come easy to me... but I've learned that the thing in life is ... it always moves on... things have a way of working out maybe not the way you hope but it still always works out... I've always tried to have control of my life... always tried to make sure I know what's happening when and why and so on... I've slowly learned... wheather I like it or not it goes on and so do the people around me... maybe it's time to let go and stop worrying so much...
Aside from that, I've been lookin back on life lately... the mistakes I've made, the people I've hurt and that have hurt me, the lies I've told and been told, the things I'm so proud I've accomplished and the things I'm not so proud of.... I've had a pretty rock road... things haven't really come easy to me... but I've learned that the thing in life is ... it always moves on... things have a way of working out maybe not the way you hope but it still always works out... I've always tried to have control of my life... always tried to make sure I know what's happening when and why and so on... I've slowly learned... wheather I like it or not it goes on and so do the people around me... maybe it's time to let go and stop worrying so much...
Thursday, June 19, 2008
nervous!
So tomorrow I have a specialist appointment with my doc and I'm SUPER nervous!... I'm happy that I'll be seen and that there is a chance that they can figure things out, but it's always nerve racking to go there and have tests done and then have to wait for the results... My fingers are crossed and it should... no, it will be good.
I've been sick over the last few days but I'm feeling much better now, figures since I'm headin to the doctors I'm starting to feel better haha... I started taking my anti biotics on monday and so it's good that they're working! YAY!!! The down side is I haven't been able to work, so unfortunately I'm gonna be BROKE when the next pay check comes in! Boo...
I feel good and I'm trying with everything in me to stay positive. My bf and all my friends have of course been very supportive... I worry sometimes more about how they feel and if they're upset then about how I feel... I love them all very much and hate that I have to put them through this... I really do have great friends though : )
Things with Jake and I have been really steady and consistent lately... I'm really happy about it, the last month or so has been the best we've had in a while... the last time we faught we really layed everything down on the table and were totally open with eachother and it's been a while since we had done that, I feel like as long as we keep communicating and letting eachother know how we feel we'll stay strong and continue to get stronger. He really truely is my best friend and the love of my life. I never want to lose him... it may sound strange but before meeting him, I never believed two people could actually be together for their whole lives happily. Now I feel like he's that person for me... I love him so much!
This past weekend I was an M.C. in Grand Bend for an event called Burgerfest. It was a total blast and totally reassured me in knowing that I'm at school taking the right course for my career! It was nice and sunny and I met new people and of course I got to be up in front of a crowd which I was really pumped up about! I get to M.C. an AARON PRITCHET CONCERT!!! I'm SOOOO excited for that one! If you don't know of him, he's the one that sings the "hold my beer" song... he's a very famous country singer so I'm very very pumped up to do that! Plus it will be in front of a tonne of people... it's in Grand Bend on July 5th! SO EXCITED!!
aside from my getting sick this week things are good... they've been good for a while now and I hope they continue to stay that way, I gotta get to bed though so that I can wake my lazy butt tomorrow and get to the doctors! I'll update soon.
XoX
I've been sick over the last few days but I'm feeling much better now, figures since I'm headin to the doctors I'm starting to feel better haha... I started taking my anti biotics on monday and so it's good that they're working! YAY!!! The down side is I haven't been able to work, so unfortunately I'm gonna be BROKE when the next pay check comes in! Boo...
I feel good and I'm trying with everything in me to stay positive. My bf and all my friends have of course been very supportive... I worry sometimes more about how they feel and if they're upset then about how I feel... I love them all very much and hate that I have to put them through this... I really do have great friends though : )
Things with Jake and I have been really steady and consistent lately... I'm really happy about it, the last month or so has been the best we've had in a while... the last time we faught we really layed everything down on the table and were totally open with eachother and it's been a while since we had done that, I feel like as long as we keep communicating and letting eachother know how we feel we'll stay strong and continue to get stronger. He really truely is my best friend and the love of my life. I never want to lose him... it may sound strange but before meeting him, I never believed two people could actually be together for their whole lives happily. Now I feel like he's that person for me... I love him so much!
This past weekend I was an M.C. in Grand Bend for an event called Burgerfest. It was a total blast and totally reassured me in knowing that I'm at school taking the right course for my career! It was nice and sunny and I met new people and of course I got to be up in front of a crowd which I was really pumped up about! I get to M.C. an AARON PRITCHET CONCERT!!! I'm SOOOO excited for that one! If you don't know of him, he's the one that sings the "hold my beer" song... he's a very famous country singer so I'm very very pumped up to do that! Plus it will be in front of a tonne of people... it's in Grand Bend on July 5th! SO EXCITED!!
aside from my getting sick this week things are good... they've been good for a while now and I hope they continue to stay that way, I gotta get to bed though so that I can wake my lazy butt tomorrow and get to the doctors! I'll update soon.
XoX
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Life isn't fair.
I don't understand life.... My bf played on a soccer team for a couple of years and last year I was at pretty much every game he had. Jake played with a man named Tim, Tim's wife was always at the sideline's with me cheering everyone on with me while she watch her son and daughter which were 2 and 4. Well yesterday she passed away. she was diagnosed with acute lukemia last week and then died yesterday. No time to even register what was wrong with her let alone get the time she wanted with her son daughter or 7 month old new addition to the family... I don't understand why life is so easily over. Her children and her husband are absolutely devistated along with everyone that was close to her... This one really hits home with me, I didn't know her that well but she was a sweet heart and it makes me really scared about life and how long I or anyone else actually has....
You'll be missed xo.
You'll be missed xo.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Along with the sunshine...
Things are lookin up!...
Work has been super busy, but so much fun! I'm in sales and on-air, I have tonnes of clients right now which means big money for the station and my first talk show aired this morning and will air agian tonight at 6 30. It's going great and so far I seem to be pretty good at it.
Jake and I are still a little shakey but unlike last time I wrote a blog, I think we'll stay together... things were really falling apart but they seem to be ok now... it's still gonna take a lot of work but I know we can do it if we really set our hearts to it.
Things with everyone at the school are awesome.. there's only 10 of us there from the program and we all function a lot better and get a long a lot better too... it's good, some of the people I really didn't like through out the year have turned out to be really cool. I'm getting along well and they're even funny from time to time lol...
Turns out with Jasmine, everyone is getting pretty pissed at her right now. she's treating all of her life long friends like shit so it's not just me. I'm not happy about this but I am glad I'm not the only one that's having problems with the girl. She has her own issues that I'm sure she'll work out in time, till then I'll keep my distance and talk to her now and then. meh.
today's mother's day... it's wierd there's so much hype around it but it doesn't really matter that much to me. My mom and I aren't close and she's never really been a big part of my life... I called her this morning and wished her a happy mother's day and then asked her if she wanted to get together. her answer was that she's "cool chillin here"... here was with her boy friend... cool! haha... one less thing to spend my money on. : )
I'm not really sure what I'm up to today, probably just relaxing before I have to get back to busy work agian... I should probably attempt to start unpacking from the big move too! haha... well I'm outta here!!
xo
Work has been super busy, but so much fun! I'm in sales and on-air, I have tonnes of clients right now which means big money for the station and my first talk show aired this morning and will air agian tonight at 6 30. It's going great and so far I seem to be pretty good at it.
Jake and I are still a little shakey but unlike last time I wrote a blog, I think we'll stay together... things were really falling apart but they seem to be ok now... it's still gonna take a lot of work but I know we can do it if we really set our hearts to it.
Things with everyone at the school are awesome.. there's only 10 of us there from the program and we all function a lot better and get a long a lot better too... it's good, some of the people I really didn't like through out the year have turned out to be really cool. I'm getting along well and they're even funny from time to time lol...
Turns out with Jasmine, everyone is getting pretty pissed at her right now. she's treating all of her life long friends like shit so it's not just me. I'm not happy about this but I am glad I'm not the only one that's having problems with the girl. She has her own issues that I'm sure she'll work out in time, till then I'll keep my distance and talk to her now and then. meh.
today's mother's day... it's wierd there's so much hype around it but it doesn't really matter that much to me. My mom and I aren't close and she's never really been a big part of my life... I called her this morning and wished her a happy mother's day and then asked her if she wanted to get together. her answer was that she's "cool chillin here"... here was with her boy friend... cool! haha... one less thing to spend my money on. : )
I'm not really sure what I'm up to today, probably just relaxing before I have to get back to busy work agian... I should probably attempt to start unpacking from the big move too! haha... well I'm outta here!!
xo
Friday, April 18, 2008
Bummed.
I'm bummed....
My bf's not moving to London anymore.... room mate issues.... This bums me out comepletely. I just want to be close to him and he's staying a million miles away... I love him and I just want him to be by my side.
I was pumped for summer job at the X..... Then I got shafted and got scheduled for the one thing I asked not to be put in.... UGH! I hate FANSHAWE COLLEGE!
I lost my best friend..... She's not her anymore... she doesn't give a shit about anything in her life that includes me too... I called trying to vent the other night and she said she need to get her own life together so she didn't want to hear it
I lost some one that was like a mom.... Joan baby sat me from the time that I was 6 months old until I was about 12 she was the sweetest woman you could imagine, would've given the shirt off her back if some one needed it... she became like a mom to me over the years and passed away two weeks ago of Cancer... it's just finally sinkin in now...
I can't handle things the way I used too... I'm overwhelmed and feel like I can't get away from it... I put a smile on my face and walk around happy so people don't ask questions but I'm hurting, I just want to break down and cry and never pick myself back up.
My bf's not moving to London anymore.... room mate issues.... This bums me out comepletely. I just want to be close to him and he's staying a million miles away... I love him and I just want him to be by my side.
I was pumped for summer job at the X..... Then I got shafted and got scheduled for the one thing I asked not to be put in.... UGH! I hate FANSHAWE COLLEGE!
I lost my best friend..... She's not her anymore... she doesn't give a shit about anything in her life that includes me too... I called trying to vent the other night and she said she need to get her own life together so she didn't want to hear it
I lost some one that was like a mom.... Joan baby sat me from the time that I was 6 months old until I was about 12 she was the sweetest woman you could imagine, would've given the shirt off her back if some one needed it... she became like a mom to me over the years and passed away two weeks ago of Cancer... it's just finally sinkin in now...
I can't handle things the way I used too... I'm overwhelmed and feel like I can't get away from it... I put a smile on my face and walk around happy so people don't ask questions but I'm hurting, I just want to break down and cry and never pick myself back up.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
It's almost over
Well it's almost over.... there's only a week and a half left of school... that's great cause I'm almost done, but shitty cause I only have a week and a half to catch up completely and get this year done... It definately hasn't been easy but I've been doing my best and hopefully that will be enough...
I'm gonna work at the school over the summer... I'm pretty excited about that... we run the school radio station, so I'm workin in radio which is sweet...
I move May 1st... I'm only moving 2 doors down from the house I'm already in so that's awesome haha... it's gonna be the easiest move I've ever had to do haha... I get the whole basement to myself and I'll live with girls now, so I'm pretty excited!....
This weekend is awards night for my school... Jake's coming with me, we get a dinner there and then it's off to the bar for some good drunken times in my dress! woop wooP! Im not eligable for any awards though because I have been so sick..so that sucks! but I understand...
either way I'm gonna get headin to school... BOO! haha... got lots stuff to get done so I'm outta here!!
I'm gonna work at the school over the summer... I'm pretty excited about that... we run the school radio station, so I'm workin in radio which is sweet...
I move May 1st... I'm only moving 2 doors down from the house I'm already in so that's awesome haha... it's gonna be the easiest move I've ever had to do haha... I get the whole basement to myself and I'll live with girls now, so I'm pretty excited!....
This weekend is awards night for my school... Jake's coming with me, we get a dinner there and then it's off to the bar for some good drunken times in my dress! woop wooP! Im not eligable for any awards though because I have been so sick..so that sucks! but I understand...
either way I'm gonna get headin to school... BOO! haha... got lots stuff to get done so I'm outta here!!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
blah
I am so overwhelmed at school right now! so much is due and I just missed two full weeks of school so I'm totally behind... I was in the hospital agian (stupid kidney) I was worse then I've ever been before... but they're semi figuring it out so hopefully they can have me fixed at some point.... it scares me!... either way I'm totally burried in work... but I'm catching up... I can do it!
being sick totally sucked and spending a shit load of time in the hospital sucked even more! You can't sleep, the food is gross and they're constantly poking you with needles... on top of the fact that you're already sick... oh well I'm just glad it's over and I'm back to school agian... believe it or not I actually missed it..
I miss my best friend!! she lives 4 hours away ever since we went off to different colleges and it sucks! we used to be attached at the hip but now we barely ever see eachother!! I'm hoping to go up to visit her soon and well really school's out in 3 weeks and then she'll be back at home which is like 40 mins from me so that'll be sweet!
My bf's movin to my town!!!!! : ) I'm so pumped to have him close to me versus 3 hours away! we aren't gonna live together obviously because it's just too soon but we will get to see eachother a hell of a lot more so I'm excited!
I've been feelin kinda down today and I'm not really sure why... just an off day I guess.. on top of being shit on all week with assignments... I'm just tired I guess...
well I'm gonna go make me some supper so I'll talk to ya soon!
being sick totally sucked and spending a shit load of time in the hospital sucked even more! You can't sleep, the food is gross and they're constantly poking you with needles... on top of the fact that you're already sick... oh well I'm just glad it's over and I'm back to school agian... believe it or not I actually missed it..
I miss my best friend!! she lives 4 hours away ever since we went off to different colleges and it sucks! we used to be attached at the hip but now we barely ever see eachother!! I'm hoping to go up to visit her soon and well really school's out in 3 weeks and then she'll be back at home which is like 40 mins from me so that'll be sweet!
My bf's movin to my town!!!!! : ) I'm so pumped to have him close to me versus 3 hours away! we aren't gonna live together obviously because it's just too soon but we will get to see eachother a hell of a lot more so I'm excited!
I've been feelin kinda down today and I'm not really sure why... just an off day I guess.. on top of being shit on all week with assignments... I'm just tired I guess...
well I'm gonna go make me some supper so I'll talk to ya soon!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Why?
Why is it that EVERY time I'm trying to do something right... it turns out wrong..
Why is it that when I'm doing what I think is best.... it affects some one else too...
Why when I'm trying to explain myself do people take it the wrong way!?
UGH! I'm so frustrated right now! My bf and I are arguing about dumb things... when I try to explain myself he always takes it the wrong way... it sucks... am I doing something wrong? Is he just misinterpreting what I'm trying to say? ... I love him so much. I've never loved some one the way I love him, but we bicker about the dumbest things... I don't know how to make it stop. We're happy and it's not all the time, but when it does happen we both end up really upset and hurt... I can't help but feel like it's my fault.... it probably is... just one more thing for me to try to figure out..
I'm trying to find a new place right now with a close friend of mine Michelle. Problem is, she wants to go downtown... I don't think it's gonna work out.. I love her to death and think it would be a blast to live with her, but it's just wayyyy too expensive and they expect first and last months rent when you move in of course... so I'm totally bummed...
My life is upside down right now... it feels like it has been forever... my friends come to me for advice and I always answer with "don't worry it will get better keep your head up"... I'm starting to wonder if it ever actually does get better... and how long I have to force my head up... my necks getting really sore...
I know everything will fall into place but I'm sick of waiting for it too and I'm finding it hard to believe that it will get better or easier... I guess I'll find out soon enough...
I'm outta here... time to do something productive.
Why is it that when I'm doing what I think is best.... it affects some one else too...
Why when I'm trying to explain myself do people take it the wrong way!?
UGH! I'm so frustrated right now! My bf and I are arguing about dumb things... when I try to explain myself he always takes it the wrong way... it sucks... am I doing something wrong? Is he just misinterpreting what I'm trying to say? ... I love him so much. I've never loved some one the way I love him, but we bicker about the dumbest things... I don't know how to make it stop. We're happy and it's not all the time, but when it does happen we both end up really upset and hurt... I can't help but feel like it's my fault.... it probably is... just one more thing for me to try to figure out..
I'm trying to find a new place right now with a close friend of mine Michelle. Problem is, she wants to go downtown... I don't think it's gonna work out.. I love her to death and think it would be a blast to live with her, but it's just wayyyy too expensive and they expect first and last months rent when you move in of course... so I'm totally bummed...
My life is upside down right now... it feels like it has been forever... my friends come to me for advice and I always answer with "don't worry it will get better keep your head up"... I'm starting to wonder if it ever actually does get better... and how long I have to force my head up... my necks getting really sore...
I know everything will fall into place but I'm sick of waiting for it too and I'm finding it hard to believe that it will get better or easier... I guess I'll find out soon enough...
I'm outta here... time to do something productive.
Friday, February 8, 2008
FRUSTRATED!
So school is driving me CRAZY! There's this girl in my class that I was friends with at one point and well I guess still kind of am, but she's so ditzy and blames the world for her problems i.e. being late EVERY day for class, not studying for tests that are worth 20% of our marks... she just thinks the world should do everything for her and it's making me INSANE! I just want to slap her sometimes!! she's soooo judgemental! always has bad things to say about everyone... I can't handle it!
There's so much stuff due right now! UGH... and I'm doing like 16 hour days ... like it's honestly a waste to even be paying rent! It's just super stressful and the people in the course aren't helping lol... I really just want it all to be done with ... soon I guess....
Jake and I have been bickering a lot lately... it's just so hard when I'm at school all the time (even weekends) we never have time to spend with eachother and when we finally do I'm totally exausted so he's frustrated cause it's almost like he doesn't have a gf anymore I'm sure... I feel bad but school is my priority right now.. so it cause stupid bullshit arguing CONSTANTLY! He's moving here in July though so that should make things a lot easier for next year thankfully. we'll see how it all goes...
Life in general is such a mess... it's wearing me out... I can do it though! I just have to stick to it... after all I have been through a lot worse in life!
There's so much stuff due right now! UGH... and I'm doing like 16 hour days ... like it's honestly a waste to even be paying rent! It's just super stressful and the people in the course aren't helping lol... I really just want it all to be done with ... soon I guess....
Jake and I have been bickering a lot lately... it's just so hard when I'm at school all the time (even weekends) we never have time to spend with eachother and when we finally do I'm totally exausted so he's frustrated cause it's almost like he doesn't have a gf anymore I'm sure... I feel bad but school is my priority right now.. so it cause stupid bullshit arguing CONSTANTLY! He's moving here in July though so that should make things a lot easier for next year thankfully. we'll see how it all goes...
Life in general is such a mess... it's wearing me out... I can do it though! I just have to stick to it... after all I have been through a lot worse in life!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Hmm...
It's been a while... I have tonnes going on with me right now... but I guess I always do lol.
Jake's moving to London. I'm so excited!!! : )... it's gonna make things so much easier for us. I hate him being 3 hours away! It's WAY too hard.. I was considering moving there, but being the amazing person he is, he decided to give up Toronto for a year and come be with me : )... I love him with all my heart, the summer and next year are gonna be AMAZING!
School's going, slowly but surely... it's been sooo nuts lately. I have so many projects due next week and test start then too... it's good I guess, keeps me out trouble (kinda haha). I've been doing 13 hour days at school, it seems so dumb that I'm paying rent when I'm like never here lol.. but it's still a good place to be when I just want to get away from it all. I was SO close to dropping out last week but I realised that life isn't easy you just have to get over it. So I'm there till the end.
Jazz and Karl broke up a couple weeks back so I went out to Barrie and got totally wrecked with her it was pretty awesome! haha... had a great time.... they're back together now, I don't really know how I feel about him... she says he's awesome and she cares about him so much. When I met him though I didn't like him... he was rude and hurtful and disrespectful... and seemed really controlling... but I only met him once so it's not for me to judge. He broke up with her cause he said he couldn't "stop thinking about" her and that he needed to "focus more on school" so apparently the answer was to break up with her and then a week later said he wanted to get back together with her... my take on that is he wanted to fuck another girl so he did that and then got back together with her... all I know is I don't feel that he deserves my best friend and I really hope he doesn't hurt her anymore.
Life's been so wierd lately... everything is so up in the air and last minute craziness... I feel like I have no control of anything anymore. It's kinda scary. I feel like everything's a mess... but at the same time I feel like it's a beautiful mess... when you're a teenager I find that part of the beauty to life is not knowing what's next... never being able to just make things do what you want them to. Everytime something has worked out differently then I wanted it to, something incredible and beautiful has always come of it... maybe part of growing up is realising that it's ok to have chaos sometimes. I've realised that I can't sweat the small stuff and that sometimes it's ok to be down. Life will always let you pick yourself up if you stay strong... no matter how low you get you can always get back up agian. This year I think is going to be a lot of lessons learned for me... hopefully I can keep up : )
Jake's moving to London. I'm so excited!!! : )... it's gonna make things so much easier for us. I hate him being 3 hours away! It's WAY too hard.. I was considering moving there, but being the amazing person he is, he decided to give up Toronto for a year and come be with me : )... I love him with all my heart, the summer and next year are gonna be AMAZING!
School's going, slowly but surely... it's been sooo nuts lately. I have so many projects due next week and test start then too... it's good I guess, keeps me out trouble (kinda haha). I've been doing 13 hour days at school, it seems so dumb that I'm paying rent when I'm like never here lol.. but it's still a good place to be when I just want to get away from it all. I was SO close to dropping out last week but I realised that life isn't easy you just have to get over it. So I'm there till the end.
Jazz and Karl broke up a couple weeks back so I went out to Barrie and got totally wrecked with her it was pretty awesome! haha... had a great time.... they're back together now, I don't really know how I feel about him... she says he's awesome and she cares about him so much. When I met him though I didn't like him... he was rude and hurtful and disrespectful... and seemed really controlling... but I only met him once so it's not for me to judge. He broke up with her cause he said he couldn't "stop thinking about" her and that he needed to "focus more on school" so apparently the answer was to break up with her and then a week later said he wanted to get back together with her... my take on that is he wanted to fuck another girl so he did that and then got back together with her... all I know is I don't feel that he deserves my best friend and I really hope he doesn't hurt her anymore.
Life's been so wierd lately... everything is so up in the air and last minute craziness... I feel like I have no control of anything anymore. It's kinda scary. I feel like everything's a mess... but at the same time I feel like it's a beautiful mess... when you're a teenager I find that part of the beauty to life is not knowing what's next... never being able to just make things do what you want them to. Everytime something has worked out differently then I wanted it to, something incredible and beautiful has always come of it... maybe part of growing up is realising that it's ok to have chaos sometimes. I've realised that I can't sweat the small stuff and that sometimes it's ok to be down. Life will always let you pick yourself up if you stay strong... no matter how low you get you can always get back up agian. This year I think is going to be a lot of lessons learned for me... hopefully I can keep up : )
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